Showing posts with label Bitter Old Maid in Brooklyn. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bitter Old Maid in Brooklyn. Show all posts

Sunday, October 28, 2007

B.O.M.B.s Against Java -Take Back the Bitter

As if there wasn't enough social injustice in the world today, I feel victimized by the new Maxwell House ads that proudly proclaim: "Here's To A World Without Bitterness." I actually shuddered there for a moment.

Here's a secret about being a bitter old maid, I'm not actually bitter, nor do I consider myself to be an old maid. So okay do I seem about my singular status that friends are actually stunned when I mention that I'm still looking for Mr. Right.

For those who has asked, this bitter old blog is meant to as mentioned entertain my friends and myself, but to also skewer collective culture's thoughts on where I should be in my personal life- married, babied and considerably less exuberant than I am. You see, society doesn't quite know what to make of someone who's extremely comfortable not only in her skin, career and place in the world, but one who continually forgets to fit an easy stereotype of an unmarried woman in her 30s navigating the brutal dating terrain. The men that I meet find their egos bruised by the notion that while I might not particularly need them to financially support me, I still might want their emotional support- but that's for another time.

Remember that episode of 90210 when the girls turned activists to take back the night? Well, this blog is about taking back the bitter. I'm not who you think I am, I am bitter here me roar!

Let's hear it for the B.O.M.B.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Deceive, Pray, Age - Amazon's Commandments for Trophy Wives...

Procrastination, thy name is Bitter Old Maid in Brooklyn. I have a thousand and one things to do, and yet here I am. Okay, a quick neurotic glance at the Amazon bestsellers 12 seconds ago produced these three books AKA Oprah's honeys are in the top spots:

1. Deceptively Delicious: Simple Secrets to Get Your Kids Eating Good Food Deceptively Delicious:
Simple Secrets to Get
Your Kids Eating Good Food

by Jessica Seinfeld (Author)
Average Customer Review:
Usually ships in 5 to 6 weeks
(yikes! why so long?)



2. Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia Eat, Pray, Love:
One Woman's Search
for Everything Across
Italy, India and Indonesia

by Elizabeth Gilbert (Author)
Average Customer Review:
In Stock (No idea why she trekked
across the world, she could have found
it all on the strip on Coney Island Avenue)






3. The Wisdom of Menopause: Creating Physical and Emotional Health and Healing During the Change, 2nd Edition The Wisdom of Menopause:
Creating Physical and
Emotional Health and
Healing During the Change,
2nd Edition

by Christiane Northrup (Author)
Average Customer Review:
In stock on October 22, 2007 (Judging this
book by the cover, apparently a lot
of Botox must help with the hot flashes,
and by 'the change' I'm guessing
she doesn't mean the one so
popular in all the teen
vampire books)


Anyway, it occurs to me that the top three books are something of a skewed perception of what a trophy wife's life must be like- played out for the Amazon crowd.

1. Eat: Loads of glamorous dinners with well connected friends and, um, practice your impressive oral skills
2. Pray: That he doesn't trade you in for a newer, more pneumatic version, one without stretchmarks
3. Age: And pretend to be graceful about it while traveling to exotic destinations to have your face stretched like so much Play Doh into a mostly unrecognizable version of your younger self.

As you were....