Oprah,Oprah,Oprah -On A-Ha Moments and the Vernacularization of the Vajajay

Okay, let's just start off by saying that I do not hate Oprah Winfrey. She is a goddess of commerce having revolutionized not just the talk show genre but also the way that women, most especially minority women, women who do not necessarily represent society's ideal of beauty are perceived in the workplace.

Now then:

1. On a show last week she inferred that it was she in her infinite wisdom who coined or popularized the concept of 'A-ha moments' in her magazine. Yes dear, and that nice Gore boy invented the internet.
2. The Styles section of today's times is emblazoned with the popularization of the word 'vajayjay' to describe female genitalia. Eve Ensler may be annoying, but she at least is not guilty of further infantilizing women's popular culture by jumping on the "euphemism treadmill" (the brilliant phrase used in the article by Steven Pinker, a psychology professor at Harvard) in the way that Oprah seeks to. In short, vajayjay first appeared on that bastion of well coiffed/whining in scrubs actors, Grey's Anatomy (surely Dr. Henry Gray's proudest moment is in having inspired this sub-moronic nighttime version of General Hospital), the moment should have been forgotten or buried in reruns, but instead was better known for inspiring new slang. I could go on, but I pray that you choose wisely when describing your privates, and even more wisely when jumping on the idiotic bandwagon determined to create immediate pop culture slang to sneak past censors- everything from asshat to Generation Q. You are better, funnier, more original and creative than that- rise above.
3. Would someone care to elucidate me as to when the mutually masturbatory practice of celebrities gifting other celebrities with garish displays of wealth became (entertainment) news worthy? Apparently to thank La Winfrey for gently nudging her book to #1 on the bestseller lists, Jessica Seinfeld sent her 21 pairs of what Winfrey describes as being "the most sick shoes" including Christian Louboutins and other trinkets of the rich and feckless.

Not all celebrities are role models. Not all women in power empower women. One hopes though, that they could at least try a little harder not to provide so much less.

Onward Christian Dior Soldiers....

What's That Got To Do With The Price Of Shoes (manufactured) In China?

Okay, so this isn't my usual bitter old post anyway, but something that I've been trying to figure out for a while. We all know that celebrities pimp out, I mean license their names for products, but what the hell is Carlos Santana doing selling his name to sell shoes?

Take a look at the cutsie website, with a guitar inspired logo no less, and the pick of the month is illustrated with a guitar pick, geddit? So freakin' funny- not to mention fashionable.

The about page tries to lamely cobble together the music with the shoes: "Carlos by Carlos Santana are hip, hot fashionable shoes inspired by the passion and energy that surround Santana's music.

Carlos footwear is designed for women who demand fashion and love shoes. We bring the latest trends in materials, colors, shapes and detailing with a hip Carlos point-of-view that appeals to 'fashionistas' - who want shoes that will 'make' an outfit - not 'match' it."

Honestly, that is some of the most lame copywriting I have ever had the misfortune of being judgemental about, and seriously, if you look to Carlos to inspire your fashion, then I'm guessing you might want to rethink your definition of fashionista. Next you'll be looking to Stevie Van Zandt for advice on hair accessories.

While we're on the topic, I should tell you that when I'm looking for shoes online (some might call it self medicating) I have an actual physical reaction when I find myself clicking on a picture and later finding it to be Jessica Simpson or the aforementioned Carlos' label shoes. Sort of like that episode in Seinfeld (I told you I was turning into a guy- now I'm quoting Seinfeld) where George goes to a male massage therapist and is freaked out because 'it moved'. That's how distressed I get when I'm attracted to Jessica Simpson shoes, and even an ice cold shower won't wash away the shame, fear and loathing.

I'm just about done, but I also have a morbid fear of being attracted to cheapo shoes, or being outed as someone with more taste than shekels, but just between us- can you tell me why the gold Giuseppe Zanotti shoes on the left have a list price of $553.95 while the Poetic Licence (their spelling, not mine) pair is $79.50? And don't go spewing quality and handcrafted from the foreskins of baby lambs- I know how you roll and I'm not buying it. (but only because I maxed out the plastic)

Onward Christian Dior Soldiers
(thanks P.K.)