Scary Halloween Costumes Part 1

So I meandered down Sixth Avenue early yesterday. Even though it was waaay before the ghosties and ghoulies came out to play, I couldn't help but encounter one of the more terrifying get ups I've ever seen. It was the doppelganger of a single successful NYC male, but the worst cliche of said SSNYCM.

As a single woman in the city, I'm always grateful to spot an example of the SSNYCM in his natural habitat, and trust me- his plumage is always visible. My dream is to someday find a rare specimen that is not only available (no telltale golden markings or coloring encircling his left wedding ring finger) but one who shares my (skewed) faith and is capable of providing birdfeed for our future chicks. Like the elusive baby pigeons that must surely exist- because as adults billions of them converge on the city and crap on our collective well coiffed heads, said Singulus New York Cityus Mannus is mostly an urban myth. Yesterday's example was no doubt the dating fates way of playing a cruel joke on me, probably for years of dating all of those bad for you boys and struggling artistes with middle names like 'Sven' or 'Huck,' but I digress.

The guy that I saw yesterday exhibited classic behavior of the worst SSNYCM. His suit was so rumpled that it was mostly shiny, in fact it looked like a Woody Allen castoff. His beard was grizzled, his tummy generous (not that I should talk). He exuded an air of menace and ill will. He barreled down the street with complete disregard to anyone who might be in his way, all the while shouting into the cell phone clamped to his ear. Now, you may think that this was an ordinary Harvey Weinstein lookalike, but I know for a fact that this was someone all done up for Halloween because he kept shouting into his phone words that sounded like he was describing a Halloweenish black cat. In fact he kept describing a male black cat as possessing parts of the female anatomy and enhanced that description just in case the listener missed his meaning by adding that this black cat was in fact an ineffectual pussy. Over and over again. With some other bad and very impressive mogul-like words I've never heard combined much less used in broad daylight.

Harvey dear, we were very patient when you made huggy face with all those blonde boopy girls with names like Nicole and Renee, but this public rudeness is such a turn off- and that jacket will have to go!

As You Were....