Monday, October 22, 2007

Deceive, Pray, Age - Amazon's Commandments for Trophy Wives...

Procrastination, thy name is Bitter Old Maid in Brooklyn. I have a thousand and one things to do, and yet here I am. Okay, a quick neurotic glance at the Amazon bestsellers 12 seconds ago produced these three books AKA Oprah's honeys are in the top spots:

1. Deceptively Delicious: Simple Secrets to Get Your Kids Eating Good Food Deceptively Delicious:
Simple Secrets to Get
Your Kids Eating Good Food

by Jessica Seinfeld (Author)
Average Customer Review:
Usually ships in 5 to 6 weeks
(yikes! why so long?)



2. Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia Eat, Pray, Love:
One Woman's Search
for Everything Across
Italy, India and Indonesia

by Elizabeth Gilbert (Author)
Average Customer Review:
In Stock (No idea why she trekked
across the world, she could have found
it all on the strip on Coney Island Avenue)






3. The Wisdom of Menopause: Creating Physical and Emotional Health and Healing During the Change, 2nd Edition The Wisdom of Menopause:
Creating Physical and
Emotional Health and
Healing During the Change,
2nd Edition

by Christiane Northrup (Author)
Average Customer Review:
In stock on October 22, 2007 (Judging this
book by the cover, apparently a lot
of Botox must help with the hot flashes,
and by 'the change' I'm guessing
she doesn't mean the one so
popular in all the teen
vampire books)


Anyway, it occurs to me that the top three books are something of a skewed perception of what a trophy wife's life must be like- played out for the Amazon crowd.

1. Eat: Loads of glamorous dinners with well connected friends and, um, practice your impressive oral skills
2. Pray: That he doesn't trade you in for a newer, more pneumatic version, one without stretchmarks
3. Age: And pretend to be graceful about it while traveling to exotic destinations to have your face stretched like so much Play Doh into a mostly unrecognizable version of your younger self.

As you were....

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I too am wasting away the day but here it's only LA LA morning - love the book post.

Oprah sure has Amurica snagged. And the top three seem to be about her - Deceive - she's been blowing her own brand of sunshine up everyone's arses.

Eat - got that right and not that there's anything wrong with that but why does she make such a bgi show of her foodie habits and swings.

Menopause - Dang. Now that she's going through it (10 years ago probably in TV age) we ALL have to hear all about it?
(FYI - if that's what she's talking about what's she really covering up besides?)

And yes I'm a member of some media touting profession (what else is there here in the land of the LA?)

Still Bitter After All These Years

The B.O.M.B. said...

Girl, you have as little an actual life as I do. What were you doing? Refreshing the page until you saw something new?

I've got my theories on Oprah, but am scared of her pitchfork carrying Mid-American minions to take her on.

I'm betting you and I have lunched.

Keep visiting, keep sharing the bile.

Anonymous said...

How cruel and bitter of you, yes I was refreshing the page...

Don't be cruel girlfriend, if we've lunched I need to know who you are! Will you reveal all?

As for Oprah's minions isn't it amazing? Isn't it just amazing? I call her the pied oprah, and yes that's a double entendre. Ok I'm a bee-yatch but I haven't had a square meal since I hit puberty.

Bitter and Very Hungry in LA LA land.

Anonymous said...

I'm bitter in Chicago AND sick of Oprah! Hey are you the "O"ster? Is she really a bitter old maid but pretending otherwise for the housewifeys of America????

Or are you Steadman? Or Gayle? Can't be Pammy 'cause she's a blushing bridethang.

I'm punchy and waiting for the figurative bell to ring so I can hightail it out of this sweatshop they call corporate America.

Thanks for the laughs and smiles. I needed it!

Bitter in Chicago