Saturday, October 20, 2007

What If The Slipper Didn't Fit?

I am back (mercifully early) from what is probably the worst first date of my life.

Oh wait, the actual worst first date of my life involved too much novocaine (him) bad dental work (him again) a suspended license (like you thought that would be me?) and a driver's ed car with two steering wheels and two sets of brakes (Yes. As a matter of fact I did keep hitting the brakes when he drove like a little old lady from Pasadena on speed).

Anyway, back to present dating horrors.

Earlier in the day I was visiting B--- and her little munchkin A---. You don't know this but a few weeks ago my credit card was jacked, and apparently the new criminal tactic du jour is to charge stupid little things to see if you're sleeping at the wheel, before they change the address on your account and go for the trailer and lifetime supply of Bud- so keep checking your receipts. (Thank you Bank of America for catching those f*ckers.)

Anyway, these brilliant criminals started making all kinds of idiotic purchases like a green card application (even I'm not imaginative enough to make that one up) and membership to the Walt Disney movie club. Um, morons, check my records, my only expenditures for the last year have been at the holy trinity of Sephora, Barney's and Butter - do you think I'm going to start shopping for kiddie vids and support hose now?

Anyway, I couldn't get through to Disney to return the damn DVDs (WORST customer service- EVER) so I took them along for the almost niece. The princess loving A---was excited about Cinderella III A Twist in Time (Cinderella meets Sliding Doors?) but also incredibly distressed at the prospect of Cindy ending up alone and kept repeating the tag line: What if the Slipper didn't fit?

What if the Slipper didn't fit Auntie B.O.M.B. ?
What if the Slipper didn't fit?

Well then dear heart- apparently you end up like me. Dating Austin Powers and blogging about it when you get home for the amusement of others.

As you were....

No comments: